(Sea) Lions and Redwoods and Knights of Columbus, Oh My!

Our relatively calm life took the backseat (pardon the pun) for about 10 days while we set out for a road-tripping adventure - and what an adventure it was!

The first lesson we had in adventuring was that road trips post-children are very different from road trips pre-children. All of the touristy attractions along the way (conveniently located at opportune times in between towns, with all of their bathrooms and diaper changing stations) make so much more sense now. Once we adjusted to the slower pace, we had a lot of fun just being the cheesy tourists we've never been before. We even drove through a Redwood! (I'd attach the picture, but it's still on Evan's phone. It pretty much looked like this though. With a car top carrier. )

Our daughter adored staying in hotels. Every night there was a new room to explore, new outlets to find, and new drawers to learn how to open! Her favorite hotel pastime was definitely playing in the pools - although breakfast buffets were also a pretty big hit. And sea lions. And once we reached our beach house, sand. Really, when you're one, everything is pretty amazing. It's an incredible gift of parenthood to be able to recapture and share in that amazement.

Eventually, after several days of adventuring through aquariums and visiting friends and stopping for the iconic Portland donut, we reached our intended goal for the journey - my family home, and the preparations for my older brother's ordination to the priesthood.

It was a beautiful, chaotic, powerful, and exhausting blur of a weekend. There was lots of hugging and catching up, scurrying around to get from event to event, and some really amazing liturgies. The ordination itself was a beautiful thing to witness - watching eight men lay down their lives for Christ, surrounded by the support of all the priests of the Archdiocese was awesome beyond words. Seeing my brother take his vows, knowing in that moment how happy, excited, and the million other emotions he must have been feeling he was, was something I'll never forget. And, of course, my little girl thought that the Knights of Columbus, with their colorful capes and shiny swords, were the coolest thing ever!

And then there was my brother's first mass. I'm so grateful that we were able to be there to share in his first celebration of the Holy Eucharist. The joy and excitement he shared with the congregation was palpable, even from way up in the choir loft! (I'm sure I'll write plenty of posts about music ministry at some point.)

Out of all of the blur, and the beautiful celebrations, and parties, and joyful events - there is one part of the weekend in particular that I will always treasure. The night before the ordination, my brother invited the family to share in his own version of a bachelor party - a holy hour in the church we all grew up in. It was getting to be late, past the baby's bedtime - but he encouraged all three of us to attend for as long as we could.

We have a chatty baby who loves to sing. There's no sugar coating her love for the acoustics of a church. And in that mostly empty church, surrounded by family, she made a joyful noise to the Lord, singing and praising as only she knows how. Knowing that my brother appreciated, welcomed, and celebrated her prayers along with his during his final night of preparation, still brings tears to my eyes. The love of children and encouragement of their participation in the Christian life is a tremendous gift he brings to the priesthood, and to all of the parents he will shepherd.

Our trip came to a restful close, and we unloaded our car back at the apartment. Everything is much the same as it was before our trip, and yet I'm amazed at the differences that happened in a week. Our little girl learned several new words, like "dog" (which I think is every four legged furry creature - not bad!) and she rushes down the hallway in excitement calling "Dad!" when Evan's keys turn in the door. She's a week older, a week wiser, and life continues to stroll along.

Turning in.

I’m still trying to figure out the balance between the mom I wanted to be or envisioned myself being, and actual real life.

Today was one of those days. I finally packed up my home office, and delivered everything back to my amazing employer for the past two years, the Daughters of Charity.

It all makes sense, of course! From a financial standpoint, hiring childcare in order to work didn’t make much sense. From a family goal perspective, we never wanted to hire childcare in the first place. From a mom-in-the-trenches perspective, trying to accomplish tasks that require deep concentration in time for deadlines was getting nearly impossible the moment the baby went mobile – not to mention trying to make professional phone calls with baby yelling “a-WOO a-WOOOOO!” in the background. It made both the work and the care for the baby extremely stressful – and neither were getting the proper attention as a result. Of course, I left the ultimate decision up to God in lots and lots (and LOTS) of prayer, and found real peace in the decision to move to the next stage of my life as a full-time stay at home mom.

But, all of that aside, the job was amazing. I was never career focused because of my vocational family goals, and always said I never knew what my dream job would be, but I found it when I was hired by the Daughters. My title was a mouthful: “Coordinator for Vincentian Educator Formation.” It was the most fun I’ve ever had, and probably the hardest I’ve ever worked, and definitely the most rewarded I’ve ever felt by a job – present company excluded, as I chase my baby around the room in between sentences. I got to work with the most inspiring people, who do amazing work every single day helping vulnerable and marginalized children. I got to learn more about my Catholic faith and the Vincentian Heritage and meet living saints of our lifetime. It really was the perfect culmination of my education and volunteer experience with the Vincentians and Daughters. And, for that season of my life, it was a wonderful job.

Turning in my stuff today was extremely bittersweet. I made some wonderful friends, and had the best boss anyone could ask for. But watching my baby crawl across the floor, exploring the world – only to come eagerly back to the one person she always knows, and relies on – I know I’ve made the right call.

So that brings me back to the beginning. I’m still trying to figure out the balance between fantasy stay-at-home-everything-organic-and-homemade-mom, and real stay-at-home-loves-being-an-active-part-of-so-many-things-there’s-not-enough-time-to-make-everything-from-scratch-mom, too. I firmly believe that my staying home and dedicating that zeal and enthusiasm to raising our kids is exactly where I’m called to be right now, and it’s an amazing vocation that I feel unbelievably blessed by.

Sometimes knowing all that still doesn’t make the hardest choices feel any easier. 

Distractions

You start unloading the dishwasher, when you hear the phone ring. Mid-conversation, the baby is about to pull your purse on top of herself, and you scoop her out of harms way - only to realize she now needs a diaper change. Then she's hungry, and finally you find yourself standing in the kitchen again wondering why the dishwasher is still full.

While that may be a common loop for parents, we all get distracted in other ways, too. One of my biggest distractions is reading. I can get so absorbed in a good book that I forget I'm reading, and I stop paying attention to and can even completely tune out everything going on around me. "What dishes?" "Sure, she can eat that day-old pasta on the floor." It's great on vacation, and not so great in the middle of a busy afternoon. During Lent, I tried to really control what I was reading, and it was one of the hardest (and most rewarding) Lenten sacrifices I've done. Every time I had the opportunity to read, I forced myself to do a liturgy of the hours or spiritual reading instead. It definitely felt a bit like forcing myself to eat my vegetables, but I felt much healthier afterwards.

Of course, post-Easter it was easy to let up. I have gotten absorbed into several good fiction books since then. But the experience was eye opening, and I keep coming back to it. The more spiritual reading I do, the more connected I feel to my faith. The more connected I feel, the easier it is to pray. The more I pray, the more I am able to live a life tuned to God's frequency. As much fun as the Easter season is, with its discounted chocolates and sunshine, I definitely need a little more Lent in my daily life!