Although July did not turn out to be the blogging month I had hoped for (more on that later), I started this post last week as part of the Catholic Church's Natural Family Planning awareness week. Better late than never!
Science is a beautiful, wonderful, amazing thing. The more scientists discover about how the human body, the world, and the universe work, the more questions get asked, and the more answers get discovered! The coolest thing to me about learning is every time I absorb something new, it makes me realize how many more things out there I don't know. Evan and I are totally geeking out about the reboot of Cosmos scheduled to start sometime in 2014. But, I digress...
The reason why NFP (Natural Family Planning) isn't the ol' Rhythm Method is simple. Science! We've discovered so much about the female reproductive system and fetal development, and one of the biggest takeaways is this: Every woman is unique. The Rhythm Method didn't work well simply because it was assuming that every woman's menstrual cycle was identical. (As an aside, the medical field still uses this assumption to predict baby due dates, which is at least partly responsible for why my OB told me only 5% of children are born on their "due date.") The truth is, women naturally have a cycle that includes menstruation, at least one infertile period, and a fertile period leading up to and including ovulation.* The exact timing of each, however, is different for different women.
So, if every woman is unique, then every NFP relationship is going to be unique. I highly recommend taking a class from an instructor who will work with you one on one. All Catholic marriage prep classes include some kind of NFP overview, but that's not what I'm talking about here. If you want this to be a reliable method (and, when used correctly, NFP is 99% effective - which, glossing over Planned Parenthood's ignorance regarding Natural Family Planning, is more effective than pretty much any method they advertise other than sterilization,) then you need to know how your body, and your cycle, tick. The beauty of learning it during marriage preparation is it takes at least a few cycles to figure out what you're doing, no matter what method** you choose. Once you start to recognize your body's cues, the charting becomes much easier. Our Marquette Method class was awesome, and after over 3 years, I still contact my instructor from time to time with questions.
I'll be honest - Even though I continue to use it because it just makes sense, I first looked into Natural Family Planning because of my Catholic faith. It's impossible for me to talk about it without at least mentioning the spiritual benefits it provides to my marriage, as well as the incredible graces it gives us with our family. My husband's love for me as a whole person, not treating my natural fertility like something that is wrong with me, something that should be ignored and intentionally shut down, is an amazing gift I wish every woman could experience. It constantly improves our communication, keeps us consistently discussing our family goals, and makes sex not just a shared pleasure, but also a shared responsibility. When you don't take each other, or your time together, for granted, amazing things happen. The openness to life is also a little bit of "dying to self." If kids were easy, cheap, and convenient, a lot more people would have a lot more of them. The truth is, you can't be selfish as a parent. You've got things beyond yourself to worry about. And through challenge comes our best growth.
I've really only touched the surface here. So many people wrote amazing posts last week about all the many benefits of NFP: of the one's I've read, this one by The Messy Wife is my favorite. For anyone who wants more information, feel free to contact me. If I don't have the answers, we'll find someone who does!
NFP isn't always easy. But it's always worth it.
*As I'm not an NFP expert or a certified NFP instructor, I can't speak for specific cases where this would not be true. I am unfamiliar with with PCOS or other conditions that affect female fertility, and obviously this statement does not apply to women outside of their fertile years (either prepubescent or post-menopausal). However, the use of NFP to chart cycles (rather than just taking the pill that will mask symptoms, for example) can help many women who have serious irregularities and fertility issues to be properly diagnosed and treated.
** There are many NFP methods available, which makes it easier than ever to pick one that fits your lifestyle. Want to be as green and low-impact on the environment as possible, using only your body? Try The Billings Ovulation Method. Want a simple, easy way to keep track with widely available instruction? Try Couple to Couple League. Want to use the latest technology to insure the most accurate results, without as much room for human error? Try The Marquette Method!
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Happy 5th birthday... to me?
This past week marked the 5th anniversary of my new life. As I've been deep in thought and reflecting on this, my June was just as busy (if not moreso) than I had anticipated, and blogging once a week certainly didn't happen. Sometimes though, in the case of reflection, proliferation is not nearly as valuable as depth. Contemplation done in the midst of chaos can be far more meaningful.
Back to my spiritual birthday - it was June 26th, 2008. I wrote about my experience of faith a few years ago here, as I was preparing to return to Africa. What was so monumental about that day, that I feel like that's when my life really started?
There are a few more obvious answers. For one, that is the day I met the love of my life, Evan. I'll never forget the way he walked right up to me and gave me a big hug, like we were long-lost friends. Like the gentleman he is, he immediately offered to help me take my bags upstairs to the dorm rooms for orientation. We realized we were in the same group going to Bahir Dar, and conversation took off like a rocket. When I found out he was a computer programmer, I immediately looked back to my upbringing in a house full of wonderfully nerdy brothers. I tried to name drop everything and anything I could think of that I had ever heard about computers, including a simple hang man game I programmed in middle school that I hadn't thought about in YEARS, and certainly couldn't remember one bit about how I did it. Anything to impress this guy who was already blowing me away. To say it was love at first sight is an oft-cliched line and poor representation of what love is. Love is a decision, an act of the will, that grows with time. But it really wasn't "like" at first sight either - it was at first conversation. Communication that flowed (and I'd like to think, still flows) like music, constantly growing, questioning, learning, and seeking. I was, and am, captivated by the desire to grow in relationship with him every day.
That day started a new journey for me spiritually, too. The biggest disadvantage of the cradle Catholic is complacency. Not to say that my faith had never been tested, but it was a child's faith based on rules rather than on understanding the real Truth that is behind the rules. Rules seemingly for the sake of rules, from a Church "parent," seemed sometimes like rules to be broken. I was always active in youth ministry and campus ministry, always involved in clubs and organizations, but in many ways it was for the social aspect. I sometimes felt like I was living a double life: the social Catholic, and the secular - and often very depressed - student. The journey that healed that broken part of me began with Bahir Dar. I learned about how to be open and honest with people, to stop wearing masks and constantly worry about what others would think of me or whether I had enough friends. I learned about joy, real joy, that doesn't come from things or from comforts or even from family - but only from God. And while I still struggle with depression from time to time, that was when I broke through the cloud. That was when a deeper personal relationship with God started. And I often think I started learning to be a truer version of myself - not necessarily different, but new.
It also changed the way I look at the world, at the Church, at those living in poverty, at my own life of comfort... but those are all posts in and of themselves. :)
Of course, looking back, it hasn't always been easy, and I certainly haven't been perfect. I'm still learning more every day, about how to treat others, and how God's "rules," made in perfect love, are to be lived out in the world. I'll always stumble and fall, and I know I never have to pick myself back up alone. It's a struggle, but I need to be gentle with myself for the things I don't know and fail in - after all, I am only (spiritually) 5.
Back to my spiritual birthday - it was June 26th, 2008. I wrote about my experience of faith a few years ago here, as I was preparing to return to Africa. What was so monumental about that day, that I feel like that's when my life really started?
There are a few more obvious answers. For one, that is the day I met the love of my life, Evan. I'll never forget the way he walked right up to me and gave me a big hug, like we were long-lost friends. Like the gentleman he is, he immediately offered to help me take my bags upstairs to the dorm rooms for orientation. We realized we were in the same group going to Bahir Dar, and conversation took off like a rocket. When I found out he was a computer programmer, I immediately looked back to my upbringing in a house full of wonderfully nerdy brothers. I tried to name drop everything and anything I could think of that I had ever heard about computers, including a simple hang man game I programmed in middle school that I hadn't thought about in YEARS, and certainly couldn't remember one bit about how I did it. Anything to impress this guy who was already blowing me away. To say it was love at first sight is an oft-cliched line and poor representation of what love is. Love is a decision, an act of the will, that grows with time. But it really wasn't "like" at first sight either - it was at first conversation. Communication that flowed (and I'd like to think, still flows) like music, constantly growing, questioning, learning, and seeking. I was, and am, captivated by the desire to grow in relationship with him every day.
That day started a new journey for me spiritually, too. The biggest disadvantage of the cradle Catholic is complacency. Not to say that my faith had never been tested, but it was a child's faith based on rules rather than on understanding the real Truth that is behind the rules. Rules seemingly for the sake of rules, from a Church "parent," seemed sometimes like rules to be broken. I was always active in youth ministry and campus ministry, always involved in clubs and organizations, but in many ways it was for the social aspect. I sometimes felt like I was living a double life: the social Catholic, and the secular - and often very depressed - student. The journey that healed that broken part of me began with Bahir Dar. I learned about how to be open and honest with people, to stop wearing masks and constantly worry about what others would think of me or whether I had enough friends. I learned about joy, real joy, that doesn't come from things or from comforts or even from family - but only from God. And while I still struggle with depression from time to time, that was when I broke through the cloud. That was when a deeper personal relationship with God started. And I often think I started learning to be a truer version of myself - not necessarily different, but new.
It also changed the way I look at the world, at the Church, at those living in poverty, at my own life of comfort... but those are all posts in and of themselves. :)
Of course, looking back, it hasn't always been easy, and I certainly haven't been perfect. I'm still learning more every day, about how to treat others, and how God's "rules," made in perfect love, are to be lived out in the world. I'll always stumble and fall, and I know I never have to pick myself back up alone. It's a struggle, but I need to be gentle with myself for the things I don't know and fail in - after all, I am only (spiritually) 5.
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