Happy 5th birthday... to me?

This past week marked the 5th anniversary of my new life. As I've been deep in thought and reflecting on this, my June was just as busy (if not moreso) than I had anticipated, and blogging once a week certainly didn't happen. Sometimes though, in the case of reflection, proliferation is not nearly as valuable as depth. Contemplation done in the midst of chaos can be far more meaningful.

Back to my spiritual birthday - it was June 26th, 2008. I wrote about my experience of faith a few years ago here, as I was preparing to return to Africa. What was so monumental about that day, that I feel like that's when my life really started?

There are a few more obvious answers. For one, that is the day I met the love of my life, Evan. I'll never forget the way he walked right up to me and gave me a big hug, like we were long-lost friends. Like the gentleman he is, he immediately offered to help me take my bags upstairs to the dorm rooms for orientation. We realized we were in the same group going to Bahir Dar, and conversation took off like a rocket. When I found out he was a computer programmer, I immediately looked back to my upbringing in a house full of wonderfully nerdy brothers. I tried to name drop everything and anything I could think of that I had ever heard about computers, including a simple hang man game I programmed in middle school that I hadn't thought about in YEARS, and certainly couldn't remember one bit about how I did it. Anything to impress this guy who was already blowing me away. To say it was love at first sight is an oft-cliched line and poor representation of what love is. Love is a decision, an act of the will, that grows with time. But it really wasn't "like" at first sight either - it was at first conversation. Communication that flowed (and I'd like to think, still flows) like music, constantly growing, questioning, learning, and seeking. I was, and am, captivated by the desire to grow in relationship with him every day.

That day started a new journey for me spiritually, too. The biggest disadvantage of the cradle Catholic is complacency. Not to say that my faith had never been tested, but it was a child's faith based on rules rather than on understanding the real Truth that is behind the rules. Rules seemingly for the sake of rules, from a Church "parent," seemed sometimes like rules to be broken. I was always active in youth ministry and campus ministry, always involved in clubs and organizations, but in many ways it was for the social aspect. I sometimes felt like I was living a double life: the social Catholic, and the secular - and often very depressed - student. The journey that healed that broken part of me began with Bahir Dar. I learned about how to be open and honest with people, to stop wearing masks and constantly worry about what others would think of me or whether I had enough friends. I learned about joy, real joy, that doesn't come from things or from comforts or even from family - but only from God. And while I still struggle with depression from time to time, that was when I broke through the cloud. That was when a deeper personal relationship with God started. And I often think I started learning to be a truer version of myself - not necessarily different, but new.

It also changed the way I look at the world, at the Church, at those living in poverty, at my own life of comfort... but those are all posts in and of themselves. :)

Of course, looking back, it hasn't always been easy, and I certainly haven't been perfect. I'm still learning more every day, about how to treat others, and how God's "rules," made in perfect love, are to be lived out in the world. I'll always stumble and fall, and I know I never have to pick myself back up alone. It's a struggle, but I need to be gentle with myself for the things I don't know and fail in - after all, I am only (spiritually) 5.